the world is a vampire

well, we are here.

the cleaning is coming along.  i was able to knock some shit as done because i had cleaned so hard last month.

and the laundry, that sits for a week?  it took me 9 mins to get it put away. 

i can do shit, if i put myself to it.

on a dark note, i think i have hit a midlife crisis.  songs of my youth are coming back and hitting me harder with their meanings.  The Wallflowers with “One Headlight” hit like a brick last year and keeps coming towards me.  Smacking Pumpkins “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” is screaming at me, right now.

and over all this, there is the sense that i am a lost child in this world.  by my research, i am a Gen-Xer.  i don’t feel it.  i also don’t feel like a Millennial.  things that people my age cry as hallmarks of childhood just never hit me.  i don’t know if it’s because i was raised out in the sticks and slightly poor. 

i know i had a crisis right before i hit 30 and my 40th birthday was marred by the pandemic, so, here we are now.

a memory came up the other day.  my history professor said that as women get older, they get more religious.  at the time, i was a 20 something women witch and i thought, not my ass.

well, my 40 something non-binary ass is trying to write down what my path is and trying to get more into a daily practice. 

can’t fight that AFAB life path. 

threw the cards for this week.  we will see what happens next.

feral

This place is always such a mess

Sometimes I think I’d like to watch it burn

I’m so alone

Feel just like somebody else

Man, I ain’t changed, but I know I ain’t the same

Spiritual awakings should not come from a Wallflower’s song from my teen years.

Hello.  My name is Amerwitch, Amer for short, and this is year 2024.  I spent the most of 2023 being a devote of the goddess Karpo and she blessed me with an awaking that I want to make true, this year.

Last year the theme was “King”, based on the Florance and the Machine song.  A lot of my thoughts come from Florance and the Machine. 

She put me under a spell…

And if we are picking Florance and the Machine’s songs for this year it is “Delilah”.

But what for a theme?  What one word shall I use on my blog to show everything that happen in 2024?  What word will be my reminder every time I write, reminding me of who I suppose to be, this year?

Feral.

It is the word and theme for this year.  I want to write a book on my witchcraft, on my path, the Feral Opossum Witch.  I want to work on my oracle deck, the Vulture Arcanum.

This year is a focus on me and a focus on my path.  I am not a Bride, I am not a Mother, I am King.

A Feral Opossum Witch King.

Day 29

i feel like i am living in two different timelines at the same time.

it is still 2023, i am still working on those goals, ain’t i?  what didn’t get done is being carried over into 2024 so, i am working on 2 different set of goals that are both the same.

i am also dealing with 2 very different themes with my life.  2023 was King, based on Florence and the Machine’s song of the same name. 

i have listen to so much Florence and the Machine this year.

and i have a theme for next year but i also must do my yearlong reading, which i am changing on how that roll, to see if everything lines up.

i am still cleaning, still working on that goal of “My empty halls to echo with grand self-mythology.” 

and i have a new desk to put together and redo my work station.

shower and reading for me tonight. 

weekly update

small steps equal some progress.

i’m 99% done for the month, 66% done for the year giving me a B- grade.

i’m still needing some get up and go with my life.  i am moving inches but i want to move more. 

but i am moving more.  i am trying dancing as a moving mediation.  i’m blasting Florance and the Machine and feel like i’m praying.

so i do have some things going better then i thought.  that’s why i write, to keep track of shit.

time to get up and move.

July 5th

hello.

my card of the month is the Magician, a card of action and doing.  that is the plan i have for this month, getting up and doing shit.

i thought my weekend in Springfield would bring me an uplift and get go.

it took two months out of my life.

it was on Midsummer that i felt a tug and things hit me, fall is coming and i am a devotee to the Greek goddess of autumn, Karpo, i need to get my shit together and get things down.

my birthday is also in 3 months…

i am hit back to a lyric of the song that inspired the theme of this year, fuck it this is the GOAL of this year:  “My empty halls to echo with grand self-mythology.”

and i am slowly working towards that, day by day.  even rereading American Gods is getting me somewhere, on some small level.

i will be moving fucking forward this month.  i will be getting shit done.

i fucking have too if i am going to be the witch i want to be for this fall.